who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
