if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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