you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
