Heybabeimwearingurpanties
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
