he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
