ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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