I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
