We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
