Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm too high and old for this...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
