i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
