guys are only as good as the porn they watch
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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