My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
