I love black thongs
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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