i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
