i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
