Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
