my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
