is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
