Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
