O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
