you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
