This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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