Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
