): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
