these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
