So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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