WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
