So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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