next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
