I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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