So drunk its hurt
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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