my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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