It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
