im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize