I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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