Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize