Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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