i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
