sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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