I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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