Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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