Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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