morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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