Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
