I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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