I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
