His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
