The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
