How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
