I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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