I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
