mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Blood and glitter go together right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
