billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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