You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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