I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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