I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
