You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
