So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
