i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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