There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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