....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
