just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
