i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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