adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
