I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
