If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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