I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
