All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
