Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
