she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
